Broken Creations

My poor daughter has such a hard time with legos. She builds something, then crushes it, then cries because it's broken. It just happened with an incredible forklift that she built. She showed to to me and I was very impressed. 30 seconds later she's in tears. It seems like she doesn't know how to be careful with things! This kind of thing happens all the time. She loves to make things, but they're never indestructible. I don't know how to handle it. It upsets me, too, and I feel bad for her.

Tough day to be a mom

Thaddeus threw the most hysterical fit today when I went to bible study and was about to drop him off in nursery because Callia would not "let him be the leader" as they walked in. When I addressed it it escalated instead of getting better, so much so that after probably 10 or 15 minutes and two trips to the bathroom to pop him for defiance, and a talk with Callia to tell her how he felt (although I let Callia know I didn't blame her at all for his behavior), her apologizing and saying she didn't mean to upset him, him apologizing to her for expecting her to do what he said, then him continuing to be defiant and thrashing around on the floor, I still had to just leave instead of putting him in the nursery, which prompted Callia to burst into tears as well. The other kids in the nursery and the girl watching them all seemed very concerned. We left with Callia carrying my bible and Thad's jacket so I could try to keep a hold on him and his shoes (which he had kicked off), while he thrashed as hard as he could and screamed at me for leaving his shoes behind, all the way out to the van. I was so frazzled and frustrated I can think in retrospect of a few ways I could have handled it better. I feel like a terrible mother. Just confessing. Also, I feel a little freaked out at the thought that something similar to this could happen again at some point because although he had time alone in his room to calm down when we got home and came out acting like an angel, I don't feel that any lesson was learned. This is one of those days when the title of this blog is hilariously sarcastic, which I knew it would sometimes be, but man, this is to the point where the sarcasm isn't even funny. Being a mother is insanely difficult. Hopefully I don't make any future mistakes that will blow this out of the water and this can go down in my book for my worst moments as a mother, right up there with the times that I forgot Callia's school field trip, and a friend's birthday party that she was looking forward to.

Appreciation

I found a semi-old facebook post today from October 20th, 2009. Thought I'd put it on here just for "keeps". :)

Callia came down the stairs wearing fairy wings and a crown. Thaddeus started flapping his arms with a big smile on his face and said "Shack, shack, shack! Shack a ming, why, why!" (Translation= Flap, flap, flap! Flap your wings, fly fly!) This happened right after he was talking to my mom on the phone and said "Mommy... beedet" which melted my heart :D (Translation=Mommy is a princess)

"I need bandaid in mine mouf"

Thad was super congested and kept sneezing out snot, poor baby! He had been taking it all in stride all morning, then said "Mommy, I need bandaid in mine mouf cuz I not feew good"

"That happens, Mommy"

It's 10:00pm and Thaddeus is still wide awake in his room. When I put him to bed at 8:30 (a little later than usual), he was talking to me about good dreams and bad dreams, and he told me his bad dreams have monsters and also told about a good dream he had where he and MeMaw and Grandaddy and Daddy and Callia "and even you Mommy!" were there, and he was wearing his swimsuit and we were all at the "big pool". I have a feeling he was talking about Jan's house at the 4th of July. He said that was his one good dream, and that he has had four bad dreams. He has said before that he has had four bad dreams and one good dream, but hadn't said anything about what they consisted of, other than once mentioning a bad dream about a "scary man". We talked about his dreams, prayed about dreams, and sang songs, then I said goodnight and came downstairs. Then I came down and worked on a scrapbook page a little.

He started yelling about something, talking as if we could hear what he was saying, and Nathan went up to investigate. When Nathan came back down Thad was crying, and Nathan said Thad wanted me to lay with him but he told him that Mommy was going to be downstairs and he needed to go to sleep.

But when he was still crying after five minutes or so, I went up to see if I could talk to him about how he was feeling. He said he wanted me to be with him, and when I go out of his room it makes him sad. "That happens, Mommy, sometimes it does!" The way he said it was so cute. So I laid down with him and we talked about how he was feeling and about how Mommy is not really gone, I am home, and Daddy and Callia are home and we are all together at home when Thaddeus goes to sleep in his room and Mommy goes downstairs. We talked about Jesus and how he is with us and keeps us safe, and for whatever reason Thad started talking about Jesus and Callia and MeMaw on the playground. Then I said "OK you go to sleep and I will lay here with you for a few minutes". But it seemed like he could not relax, and if I did anything such as stroke his hair when he opened his eyes, he would say "are you going now?" and look so worried. A couple of times I said "No, I am going to lay here with you for a couple more minutes and you go to sleep," but after a little while, I had to say "Don't worry, I am not going far, I'll still be home but I'm going to go and you go to sleep." So he said "OK" in a very worried tone, and as I've written this, which has been about 15 minutes, he has not called for me again. We'll see how he does.

I remember Callia having trouble with being scared and having bad dreams at this age, too. It seems like the problem tonight may have had a lot to do with the fact that it was dark when we put him to bed, since it has been light every time for a couple of months and we've had very little trouble. Tomorrow night I'll need to make sure to get him to bed on time, and in the fall when the days start getting a lot shorter, I guess I'll need to be prepared for more hassle at bed time. Hopefully not, though! It is so stressful to have to deal with such a drawn out process to get kids to sleep, during the time of day when I usually get to wind down and be a real person and feel like more than just "Mom", which often is synonymous with "servant".

In a way I've got to love it, though. Before long I'll be missing their littleness.